Raise My Level of Acceptance

Matthew 7:12 (Amplified Bible)

"So then, whatever you desire that others would do to and for you, even so do also to and for them, for this is (sums up) the Law and the Prophets."

I grew up on this verse. My grandparents would often say, "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

This is a verse that has always been a part of me. It stuck with me. I have tried to live my life through this lens. Sometimes, I think I may have taken it too literally. Not that the verse was wrong, but the assumption I attached to my interpretation was.

I expected that if I treated others the way I wanted to be treated, they would reciprocate my actions. That assumption has created a lot of unrealized expectations, pain, and hurt feelings on my part. I have learned the hard way that just because you treat someone with kindness, love, and loyalty, it does not mean they will treat you the same way.

The mature, life-learned part of me understands that disappointment is inevitable when you expect to receive from others exactly what you give. Still, for me, it has been a continuous battle to truly learn this lesson.

A few months ago, I did an exercise with a mentor to discover my "why." After a lot of discussion and many questions, we landed on this: my purpose is that I am wired to help restore what feels broken.

That realization hit me hard for many reasons.

It helped explain my journey. It helped me understand why I feel so compelled to help those who appear broken. Why I have a spirit of encouragement. Why I feel the need to rescue those who seem to be in despair. It is why I always want to be there for the people I love.

I think I feel such a connection to what feels broken because I have felt that way myself. There are times when I still do.

Many people in my life have thanked me for being the person they can come to for support and encouragement. It makes me feel valued. It makes me feel like I am living in my purpose.

Here is the part that I have not yet mastered.

My mother used to tell me that I "wear my heart on my sleeve." My mom was a wise woman. My emotions are usually front and center. Time and time again, I approach people with an open heart. I give until I cannot give anymore.

I used to tell a friend that everyone starts with an "A." After that, they earn whatever grade they receive through their actions and responses to being given a clear, open space in my life.

Unfortunately for me, A's are hard to sustain.

People are people. They are human, and like me, they are prone to disappoint or fall short of the expectations attached to an "A." It is not that I expect perfection. It is not that I fail to account for human nature. It is simply that I have not learned how to easily recover from the strikes to my heart delivered by those I allow into its inner circles.

Life has prepared me to guard my heart from bystanders.

Life has taught me to be wise about who I allow closest to me.

I believe I have mastered the art of protecting my heart from the masses and from intruders. Yet I still struggle with protecting my heart from those I consider the selected few.

Those wounds bring a different kind of pain.

The sting is sharper.

The punch takes longer to recover from.

I do not know why, but I am never fully prepared for those hits.

Someone once told me that I should lower my level of expectation and raise my level of acceptance.

That was a word for me.

Yet it remains one of my greatest challenges.

What I usually do is shut down. It is as if an alarm goes off and a steel door rises. Messages begin filling my mind:

"Warning. Warning. Please move to heart protection mode."

Then comes the silence.

The messages continue.

"That person does not care."

"That person is trying to harm you."

"That person does not value your heart."

It is a lonely place to be.

I know this is a place where I need to allow God to heal me.

Today, God, I ask that You heal me in those places of unrealistic expectations.

Raise my level of acceptance, Father.

Help me to love unconditionally.

Help me to truly understand that only You can give me the kind of love that does not harm, fail, or falter.

Father, help me not only to do unto others as I would have them do unto me, but also give me the wisdom to extend the same grace that You freely give to me.

Forgive me for having the audacity to withhold grace from my fellow man when You so generously give it to me.

Father, help me establish boundaries that are not punitive, but restorative.

Help me to love freely without expectations.

Thank You for loving and accepting me.

Help me to lean into the truth that You are all that I need.

Amen.