HE WASHED THEIR FEET, ANYWAY!

This morning, I am in a place where I truly need to understand the heart of Christ.

I don’t just need to understand His heart — I need to reconcile His heart and His posture toward me.

I am trying to transform my mind to be more like Him, but this morning my human spirit is at war with my spiritual responsibilities.

I went back to the upper room for understanding.

The night before Jesus’ impending crucifixion. The night He showed the ultimate act of grace. The night He washed the feet of His 12 disciples.

John 13 tells us that Jesus, knowing that the Father had given all things into His hands, knowing where He had come from and where He was going, got up, wrapped a towel around His waist, and began washing the disciples’ feet.

He knew Judas was already planning the betrayal. He washed his feet.

He knew Peter would deny Him three times before the rooster crowed. He washed his feet.

He knew the others would abandon Him in the garden. He washed their feet too.

Jesus did not serve people who had it together. He served people who were about to let Him down in the most public and painful ways imaginable. And He did it anyway!

This is the kind of love that we as believers aspire to have. It is not love that is earned or even deserved. It is a love that gets on its knees and serves even when it knows exactly what is coming.

“Having loved His own who were in the world, He loved them to the end.” — John 13:1

That part!

In my Valerie heart, I struggle with the pain of being wounded by those closest to me. I’m not talking about acquaintances or casual relationships.

You see, I guard my heart. Many may not know that, but I protect my heart securely because I try to prevent deep pain.

I have a genuine heart, full of love. That heart has two chambers:

An outer chamber that is open and free to give, love, empathize, understand, celebrate, and encourage. The outer chamber is available to anyone.

Then there is the inner chamber. A place tightly secured, deep within.

That chamber is where my most intimate love lives. That is where my children and grandchildren reside. That is where my mother will always live. That is where those closest to me dwell — the people I would protect fearlessly and without hesitation. The people I would sacrifice my last for. The people I would defend and fight for. The people I would die for.

And that is also where I am the most vulnerable.

So those closest to me can wound me the deepest because, as crazy as it sounds, I am never fully prepared for those stabs. I always believe that those who have made it into my inner court know my heart and spirit well enough — and love me enough — to never intentionally dishonor that sacred space.

But… is that really fair for me to believe?

Because even though I may place them in my sacred space, just as Jesus placed His disciples near Him, they are still human.

Just like me!

Jesus knew this all too well. He demonstrated it for us in the upper room.

I would like to believe that some of the tears He shed in the Garden of Gethsemane were also tears poured out from knowing that those He held closest — those He protected, those He revealed His most honest self to — would break His heart.

Yet He washed their feet anyway.

He served them anyway.

He loved them anyway.

So, this morning, if I am going to be honest with myself, who am I to hold onto pain that can plant unforgiveness and grow into bitterness?

If I truly want God to completely heal and transform my mind and spirit, I must be willing to release those things.

I must admit — it is not easy.

But I know it is worth it.

I needed to sit with the Father this morning so He could teach me this lesson. I needed to play it all the way out. I needed to hear His gentle voice reminding me that He can replace any hurt in my heart and fill it with His love and acceptance.

I needed God this morning to remind me that love is never easy, but it is always worth it.

With this new awareness, I choose to be grateful for all things — both good and bad. I choose to give those I love the same grace that God so freely gives to me.

To make God's lesson penetrate my heart even more, in the middle of learning all of this, I received a voicemail from my favorite cousin.

I listened as the doctor told her she has Stage 4 cancer. That she has a huge tumor that may impact her brain and head.

As the doctor spoke, she listened intently. But when she responded, I could still hear hope and joy in her voice.

Oh my Lord… how is that possible?

Maybe it is because she is not holding onto unforgiveness and old wounds — only trust.

She told me she loves me.

I haven’t spoken to her much in many years, yet she is not bitter or angry. She simply wanted me to know that she loves me.

God, you are truly something in the way You teach me.

And the lesson gets even better, after the voicemail from my cousin, my grandchildren came in for our morning prayer and scripture reading. They had invited one of their friends to join us.

Wow, God.

Fourteen-year-old girls, who could be talking about or doing anything else, felt engaged enough to invite another 14-year-old friend to come read the Bible with their grandmother.

Okay, lesson learned, Father.

• You want me to understand why it is so important not to hold unforgiveness and bitterness in my heart.

• You want me to understand the importance of the greater things in life.

• You want me to always remember how vital grace is and the gifts that it can bring

• You want me to see you in ALL things

• Bitterness cuts me off from the joy of peace.

• Bitterness prevents me from seeing the blessing in 14-year-old girls wanting to sit at the feet of their grandmother and learn more about GOD

  
  

Lesson learned!

Thank You.

I love You.