My Big Brother and God’s Redemption Song

My big brother and I were 13 years apart. By the time I came along, he was already well into adulthood. My mother was just 17 when she had him, after a brief marriage to his father—a strict military man whose harshness could cross into abuse. She didn’t stay with him long, which meant my brother grew up without a nurturing father. The little time he did spend with his dad was strained and painful.

From those experiences, my brother learned that manhood meant ruling with an iron fist—that discipline and control were the ways to survive in this world. My mother, on the other hand, was nurturing and loving but incredibly strong. She had to be. Her own mother died when she was only nine, so everything she knew about life came through trial and error. Raising a child while barely out of childhood herself wasn’t easy. Though her sister Gloria helped, the responsibility ultimately rested on her shoulders.

My brother carried many emotional wounds. I know some of them, but I’m certain there were others he never shared. Now that I’m older and have faced my own hardships, I understand him better. I know the time he spent with his father wasn’t just unpleasant—it was cruel. His father was abusive and favored other children, which planted seeds of pain in my brother. Those seeds, I believe, shaped the way he raised his own sons.

We often underestimate the power of learned behavior. As children, we swear we’ll never repeat the patterns that hurt us, yet without healing, we sometimes pass down the very things we vowed to avoid. In an earlier blog, I shared my story of sexual abuse and spoke about how men, especially, often bury their trauma without an outlet for healing. My brother was one of those men. He confided in me once about his own sexual trauma and how isolating it was to carry that secret for so long.

For years, I judged him for what I saw as predatory behavior and womanizing. But now I see those actions for what they were: symptoms of unhealed wounds. It’s easy to condemn someone’s choices without understanding the roots of their pain.

Our relationship was rocky—on again, off again—for many years. Neither of us truly understood the other. Looking back, I see now that I came into his life as the miracle child my mother prayed for after multiple pregnancy losses. By the time she had me, she was older, more secure, and more mature. She poured all her love and attention into me—attention she hadn’t been able to give him. To him, I was the spoiled brat who stole her affection. That must have been deeply painful for him, yet his pride and toughness left him no space to express that vulnerability.

As my brother grew older, life became heavier. His health declined. He entered a loveless marriage. He lost the affection of his sons, our mother passed away, and his relationships with his siblings frayed. He became isolated and lonely—a devastating place to be. In the end, those burdens led him to take his last breath alone.

That reality still weighs heavily on my heart. I never wanted that for him. I loved him. He was my family. After his passing, we found letters he had written to each of his sisters. In them, he expressed love and admiration—proof that his heart never stopped loving us. I wish we could have had those conversations while he was still here.

But here’s where God’s grace shows up. Recently, our family discovered that my brother had two other children, Naeemah and Brandon. They’re both grown now, with families of their own, yet their mannerisms, voices, and even their laughter mirror their father’s so closely it’s uncanny. They are flesh of our flesh and spirit of our spirit. Through them, God has given us another chance—to renew, to forgive, and to extend love to my brother’s legacy.

This experience has taught me powerful truths:

• It is never too late to forgive.

• It is never too late to love.

• It is never too late for mercy.

• And it is never too late to heal.

I wish my brother could witness this new chapter. But I believe with all my heart that he is part of it—that this is his redemption song from heaven.

God’s grace reaches farther than we can comprehend. It reminds us to speak our love while we have the chance, to forgive freely, and to withhold judgment—because we never truly know someone’s story. It reminds us that the most important treasures in this life are faith, family, and love.

Thank You, God, for the reminder and for Your far-reaching grace.